Another Visit to A&E another Diagnosis

October 5th

Went to A&E after a whole night of severe abdominal pain, intravenous paracetamol  was enough to control the pain. Ate a lot of food along with current GI distress from all the drugs probably just too much to handle.
An ECG revealed I have a heart arythmia, likely to be Wolff Parkinson syndrome apparently.

Starting to feel like all of my health anxiety symtpoms have been real physical symptoms all along.
Still haven’t seen any specialist about oncology/neurosurgery/cardiology and its all a bit overwhelming and lonely atm. Also my girlfriend leaves on the 7th and I’ll be loosing my comfort blanket.

October 8th

Went gp’s yesterday to be referred to a cardiologist. Had a bad day with the use of my limbs. Just didn’t feel like I owned them, strange feeling of having someone elses clumsy legs attached at my hips. This sort of feeling has been coming and going across the past two weeks but seems to be getting worse. Slopes and gradients are stairs are especially difficult and I feel the need for nearby reassurance when walking around. I get very anxious about falling in public. Indigestion and bad tummy is still pretty bad from the drugs and last night I had a lot of chest/rib pains that took my breath away.

I still think I’m finding the process easier than some of the people around me. Finding distractions is important. I’m finding not using the internet extremely difficult.  I’m trying to leave my knowledge of my chances at what my medical knowledge left me with when leaving university on medical leave and not advancing my knowledge for fear of it being bad news.  Such as the 36% misdiagnosed low grade glioma rate. But then also knowing information such as as some people live aslong as 10 years post diagnosis is extremely promising/ mind boggling at the same time. 10 years feels like ages when your only 23. But then what sort of plans can you make with 10 years. Is it okay/ justifiable to want to start a family. How do I know what sort of quality of life I’m going to have post surgery/treatment. So I’m finding thinking about the future nearly impossible.

in positive note I’m finding all the support from family and friends and people I don’t even know really touching. I don’t feel alone at all. Now I just need to make/create new hobbies that lean closer to my new lesser physical capabilities. I’m considering replacing gym with piano and I can stick with my avid reading of fantasy fiction.  Just hope I don’t die before game of thrones is finished, or the hobbit trilogy. Filling the day is going to be a challenge considering I don’t have the confidence to go out and about much. Video gaming isn’t holding enough interest for me.

I bought a book called ‘like a hole in the head’ today which is a blog written by a gbm sufferer. Seems like a short read. Hopefully can learn some coping techniques and not scare myself too much J

Having a few episodes of blurred vision and few more missing words.


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